What a long journey..

When Cadence was almost a year old I decided to return to college... I had no clue the challenge I was undertaking. I officially graduate this month,(even though Southwestern only has one "walking" ceremony a year, in May) I still can’t believe I am actually a teacher, a teacher with a job. As thrilled as I am, tonight I had a "was it worth it" moment?! I was holding Cadie, and she told me

“Thanks for holding me without your putter, I don’t like your putter and I miss you."

I looked at Brett and asked him, if I didn’t hold her enough, he paused and replied that no, not lately because I have been so consumed with writing my KPTP, studying and passing my Kansas state boards (both of them), student-teaching full time (without a full time pay check), and now preparing mentally and my room physically for my new classroom. I am supposed to be off now until after Christmas, but have chosen to work at the Coop last week and this week in my new room, and in training. I am working on a waiver, which means I have to obtain  my masters in special education. Yes this means more student loans, however the Coop does pay these for me, and if I apply to the state and am excepted they will pay my bachelor student loans for every year I give to them in sped. Even if they do not pay for the past two years, and only my masters I feel that bettering myself, my family, and giving my children the change to see mommy graduate college and become a teacher was well worth it. I will spend most of my Christmas break (with my mentor) in my new room rearranging and getting a new schedule in order for my students. Curt and Cadie are very excited to come up and spend some time in "Mommy’s room"

 

While driving home from Jazzercise Saturday morning, one of my favorite Aaron Shust songs came on.

  "I am not skilled to understand. What God has willed what God has planned. I only know at his right hand, stands one who is my Savior."

While listening to these simple words, my entire body filled with tears. I don’t think that I could possibly explain how challenging the past 2 years   have been. I could make a list a mile long of responsibilities I have taken on, and the long hours spent cleaning house, doing homework, meal planning, doing lesson plans, ect. However, when I step back and look at all of the challenges/opportunities I have been given over the past two years, I am in awe.  I have been in training all week with the coop for the new position I have accepted. I am now the new Structured Learning (Autism) teacher at Maize South Middle School. I know every single one of the boys that is in my class… Who can say that? The Lord has planned my path that I have personally worked with all of these students. Learning to manage adults will come in time. I know that I treat them with respect, I hope to get it in retrun. However, in the end I am there for my students, and will make sure that their needs/goals are being met. When beginning the coop, I had ZERO desire to do structured learning. I didn’t understand the program and I was (like many) very naive to how special these children truly are. When I was pulled out of Life Skills and put to work with the Autism Specialist, I was angry. This is not where I wanted to be! God had such bigger plans, that I didn’t see. During my time with our Specialist I learned sooo much!! And slowly I began to see a passion grow now only for this program, but for these students. I remember one Sunday being in church, I can’t even tell you what the sermon was about that day, I just know that I had a tugging that I was not surrendering "something".   Upon the end of that service at our alters it hit me, and I am not sure where the words came from. I told God that if Structured Learning is where he wanted me, I would go. NOW here I am. I feel so confident and comfortable in this room. The boys are exactly how I remember them, and I promise to give each and everyone of them 100%, for I would want nothing less for my children.

I am humbled that when I submit my time, thoughts and life to a Might God that he does all of the rest for me...