-that's not what I expected to hear-

I blog this because, the only people who read my blog are very good friends and I feel comfortable sharing and asking for prayer. Embarrassingly I went to the gynecologist today expecting to hear that I was going to need a bladder tuck/lift, whatever it is they do to take care of that very embarrassing problem. I mean I am 27 years old and have as many accidents as my 2 year old! =) No fun!! Although I have delivered two 9 pounds babies. However after an exam I found out that my bladder is just fine, and exactly where it should be. Dr. Cline informed me that I have an enlarged uterus. He asked if I was done having children. I told him I was undecided, and that is when he told me that I was a good candidate for a hysterectomy.. What?? I am 27 and he wants to take out the part that makes me a girl?!?! After a lot of conversation it boils down to this:

1. 
   
   I have a decision to make.


2. 
   
   If I am done having children then he need to have a hysterectomy.


3. 
   
   I can try Physical Therapy (which he has already scheduled me an appointment for) and see if that helps, if it doesn't then I will still need to have my enlarged uterus removed. But this option would buy me some time (a few years) If I would like to have more children.


4. 
   
   Do I want my children? YES - I think.... but I can't... not now... In two months I will be unemployed while I student teach. I have NEVER been unemployed!

So my plan of finishing up my masters in the next two years and starting over with two more children is not going to happen. With tear filled eyes I have to remember that it is just that "my plan" and God has a bigger one. I have prayed for normal functioning children, I have also prayed for children who will serve the Lord. Maybe God sees the bigger picture and I am supposed to be done with two children?!?! I don't know! In a little bit of shock and a lot of sad. I don't know, but God does. He has never left or forsaken me. So please pray with me and Brett as we make a decision as what to do. I go back in 4-6 months to see Dr. Cline and go over what our plan of action is going to be. Hysterectomy now or later? Baby now or never? I DON'T KNOW!!